The Virtues of Knocking
by calliopechild
Summary: Raph is treated to an evening of learning. Oneshot.


_**Disclaimer**__: I don't own them. If I did, things would be a lot angstyer (or would it be angstier?), and the Lost Season would actually be airing AND on DVD here in the US. Since none of the above is true (so sad), I obviously don't own them._

_The following 'tis just a quick little one-shot, my first attempt at humor, and hopefully it will be found funny. It's just a little fun between Don and Raph, 'cause the two of them definitely don't interact often enough. So there ya go, and please enjoy!_

Raph padded through the Lair quietly, holding his arm and wincing slightly. He'd run off two Purple Dragon punks that were beating up a young college student, and was helping the young man pick up his belongings when the punks had returned. Unfortunately, they'd also brought three more friends. Five Purple Dragons normally weren't a problem for any of the turtles, but Raph's attention had been split between them and the young man that was trying to stay out of the way behind him.

Despite the distraction, most of the gang members were down in just minutes, and soon the only one left was one of the veterans. Raph narrowed his eyes. He could tell that this guy had several years of experience under his belt, especially with his weapon: a nasty, serrated switchblade that kept jumping back and forth between the punk's hands. _But he's gettin' anxious_, Raph thought, watching the man's darting eyes and the beads of sweat on his forehead. _He's not likin' the fact that all'a his backup is unconscious_. Raph glanced at his side, his Shell-cell showing him that it was getting late, and he decided it was time to wrap up the fight.

He looked back at the punk and smirked, then flipped him off with both hands. Even though he only had three fingers, the effect was the same, and he still got his point across. The man's look of nervousness quickly changed to one of anger and he lunged for Raph, his blade held confidently in front of him. Unfortunately, just as the thug moved, the young man behind Raph did as well, slipping and falling as he tried to make a run for the mouth of the alley. The noise had distracted the red-banded turtle, and it was only several years of training his senses that allowed him to move just fast enough for the knife to go slicing past his arm instead of deep into the muscle.

Raph hissed and narrowed his eyes. One vicious dragon-punch later, the punk joined his friends in unconsciousness. The hothead carefully inspected his arm, but the cut wasn't that serious, just slightly painful. After helping the young man gather his things, Raph had quickly made his way home.

Opening the door to the Lair quietly, he looked around and closed it behind him just as carefully. _Good, looks like everyone's asleep; more importantly, __**Fearless**__ is asleep. The last thing I need after tonight is a lecture_. In a few seconds he was outside Don's lab, and sure enough, light was still shining from underneath the door. _If there's anythin' I can count on, it's Leo's lectures, an' Don stayin' up way too late,_ Raph thought, grinning to himself. He raised a hand to knock, then thought better of it. _With Leo's hearin', he'd be down here in a heartbeat. Don won't mind if I just come in._ Without pausing, he pushed the door open.

For the second time that night, a breath of warning spat like fire across his senses, causing him to jerk his head to the side. Two dull thuds sounded in his ear, and a small breeze of air wafted past his nose, smelling oddly of chemicals. Wide-eyed, he turned his head to the side. Mere inches from where his face had been were two deadly sharp shuriken, now embedded a good three inches into the wood of the doorjamb. Raph gulped hard, his throat so tight the motion was difficult. He slowly moved his eyes to the front to see Don coming towards him quickly. The other turtle was an even paler shade of green than normal. "Damn, Don, sorry to interrupt, but—"

_Crack_!

A sharp blow shot across Raph's head, snapping it to the side, and vague stars danced a quick little jig behind his eyes. Pain and shock wrestled for control, the respective thoughts flitting across his mind; '_that hurt like a mother!'_ was quickly followed by '_I just got bitch-slapped by Don!'_.

Raph quickly suppressed an outraged yell, remembering to stay quiet at the last minute. "What the hell, Don, you—"

The same hand rapidly shot out again, this time to smack loudly against the door that had just closed behind Raph. "Shut. Up," Don ground out. He grabbed Raph's shoulder and spun him around, then jabbed at the door with a finger. "What is this?"

"Say what? Don, you—"

"Answer. The. Question."

Raph swallowed, more than a little nervous at his brother's sudden anger. "It's a door."

"Very good. Now, what do you do with doors, when you want to announce your presence and ask for entrance into the room the door is protecting?"

_Whoops,_ Raph thought. _I guess not knockin' wasn't as good an idea as I thought._ "Yeah, about that—"

Don cut him off again. "What is the first rule that everyone knows about my lab?"

"_Always knock before coming in." Double whoops. _"Uh, you—"

"And what did you _very carelessly __**forget**_ to do, Raphael?" Don raised a hand when Raph opened his mouth to speak. "There is one answer to all three of these questions, and I suggest you think _very_ carefully about it."

Raph shifted on his feet sheepishly. _Shell, he's pissed._ "Um, knock?"

"Correct. So my next question is, if you knew this answer, _why the hell didn't you knock_?" Don hissed at his brother.

"I, uh, didn't wanna wake Leo up?"

Don slid down to the floor, his shell against the door, and buried his face in his hands. A shaky sigh escaped him. "Shell, Raph…you can't do stuff like that…"

Raph's anger quickly changed into concern, and he squatted down next to his brother. "Hey, what's wrong, Don?"

One shaky green hand moved to gesture up at the shuriken in the doorjamb. "Those are poisoned."

"So?" A beat passed, and then Raph fell on his butt beside Don. "Holy shit. That woulda been me."

"Yeah." Don leaned his head back and gave another sigh. His hands slowly stopped trembling, and he turned to look at Raph. "Sorry about that," he apologized, gesturing at Raph's red cheek, "but you scared the shell out of me, Raph."

Raph glanced up at the throwing stars again. "I think I just scared the crap outta myself, Don."

Don grinned weakly. "So, what have we learned tonight?"

A matching grin spread on Raph's face. "Always knock, maybe?"

"How about always knock, _definitely_. Geez…" Don gave another sigh to gather himself and stood, carefully working the shuriken out of the wall. He peered at the gouges that had been left behind. "What on earth possessed you _not_ to knock, Raph? You know the kind of stuff I work on in here."

"Well, for one I wasn't expectin' you to be chuckin' poisoned shuriken at your door this late at night. What the hell _were_ ya doin' that for? It ain't like ya need the practice; your aim's always been good."

Don held up one of the shuriken for Raph to inspect. "You see these little red metal caps on the end? They're what hold the poison. But to make sure we don't accidentally poison ourselves just by handling them, the poison is only released when it strikes something with a certain amount of strength. I was trying to see how lightly I could throw these and still have the poison be released. I also wanted to see if the altered tips changed how the shuriken fly."

"So did it work?" Raph asked, curious despite his scare.

"Sort of. The poison was released, but they need some work. So what brought you in here? I'm pretty sure it wasn't just for a visit." He turned and eyed his older brother with a knowing look. "It never is with you."

Raph grinned sheepishly. "I needed some help fixin' up my arm, an' I didn't knock 'cause I didn't want to wake Leo up an' get crap for comin' in so late."

Don shook his head and deposited the throwing stars carefully on his lab table. "You're hopeless, Raph. I personally would find a lecture preferable to several inches of poisoned metal in my forehead."

"Yeah, well, we all got our quirks," Raph drawled jokingly. He glanced at the small projectiles on the table, then at his brother. "So didja have anyone in particular in mind with these things?"

"Not really," Don replied as he gathered the medical supplies. "I figured they'd come in handy, especially in a tight spot. I'm thinking I'll also try one of my faster acting sedatives in them too."

Raph gaped at Don's back. "Do you just chill in here whippin' up poisons an' shit in your free time?"

Don spoke without looking at his brother. "Not all the time," said, his voice casual.

"Oh, good," Raph drawled. "So what're ya makin' up the rest of the time?"

"Um, this week?" Don walked over to a storage tower and began carefully rifling through its contents. "Well, there's some collapsible shuriken, I thought those might be helpful and allow us to carry more at once; some preliminary models of a new type of aerial surveillance so we can check out a place before heading in; and…a few concoctions of fast-acting sedatives like I mentioned as well, but those are just at the testing stage."

"That's what you did this week?"

"Yeah. It was kind of a slow week."

Raph's face was slack. "Shell, bro, do you ever sleep?"

"Of course I do," Don retorted indignantly. "I get at least four hours a night."

"Four hours." Raph couldn't help but laugh. "Whatever works for ya, Donnie."

"It's plenty of sleep, thank you very much. And if I recall correctly, we were here discussing _your_ actions, not mine. Have a seat." Plopping down the medical supplies, Don began spreading things out on the lab table.

Raph eyed the supplies in confusion. "I ain't no expert, Don, but I really don't think my arm's bad enough to need all that."

"You're right, it isn't."

"So why's everythin' out here?"

"Why?" Don smiled at his brother grimly. "Because you, oh brother mine, are getting a crash course in first aid." He held up two tubes. "Now, let's start off with your arm. You're going to want these. This is a mild strength antiseptic, and this is a topical anesthetic/pain reliever." He set the tubes aside and grabbed a handful of bandages. "Now these—"

Raph interrupted, finally finding his tongue. "Wait, I'm what? Why? I don't really need to know this stuff."

Don set down the bandages he was holding. His eyes narrowed dangerously, though his voice remained mild. "You don't think so? Let's see. Answer these questions, please. Why did you come in here?"

"Don—"

"Don't make me ask again."

Raph raised his hands appealingly. "Alright, calm down. I'm in here 'cuz I got my arm messed up."

"And?"

"And I need you to fix it for me."

"And what happened when you walked in here? _Without knocking_?"

"I _said_ I was sorry 'bout that," Raph grumbled. He caught Don's glare and rolled his eyes, but answered. "I almost got a head full'a metal."

"Precisely. You walked in when I was in the middle of working. Dangerous work, as we've already covered. Now, what is all around us in this lab?"

Raph glanced around quickly, then hazarded a guess. "More work?"

"Yes," Don replied. "Which means that chances are, if you come in, I'll be working. I do that a lot; it's kind of my thing."

His brother grinned. "I noticed."

Don smirked back at him. "Good. Anyway, you can help me with my work by learning basic first aid, so when you come home all beat up from making new friends, you can take care of your own injuries. That way, you don't have to worry about waking anyone up, and I don't have to worry about explaining to Master Splinter why he's got a son with a poisoned hole in his head." He stretched, eyeing Raph. "Not to mention, it'd be a big help to have someone else with some first aid knowledge. I've been meaning to teach you guys a few things for a while now; it's poor planning to have only one person with medical knowledge."

"But we all know the basics, Don; why the shell would ya pick me to know more of it?"

"As we already covered, you do tend to get hurt the most. If you have a wider range of knowledge, there will be fewer things you have to worry about getting help for; this is a good thing, since you seem more concerned about not getting caught being hurt than the fact that you actually are hurt." Don faced his brother, a serious look on his face. "Also, I think it'd be good for you. Out of all of us, next to Leo, at least, I'd have to say that you have the hardest time sitting around waiting while someone gets patched up; it's hard for you to not know what's going on or exactly how someone is doing, and not be able to do anything about it. You've said a couple times that you wished you were able to help with this. So if I train you up a bit, things will be easier for both of us in the future; I'll have an extra pair of hands, and it will be easier for you to get through helping whoever's hurt. Not a lot easier, because it never is, but you'll at least have something to keep you busy."

Raph stared at his brother, quietly amazed at how well his brother had managed to hit on something that bothered him so much. He always hated having any of his family getting injured, mainly because of the helplessness; he'd be helpless to undo the damage, and helpless to fix it. All he could do was take out the enemy responsible, but then he was just left to wait.

Waiting was not one of his strong points.

He glanced down. "I appreciate the offer, Don, but I don't know half—hell, even a _quarter_ of the shit you know about medical stuff. And I don't think I'm cut out for it. I ain't a doctor, bro."

Don quirked an eye ridge. "And I am? You're forgetting, Raph, I was an engineer first, doctor second. Besides, you've got the basic skills for it."

"Like what?"

"Good hands," Don replied, setting out a few more supplies. "Since you wield the sai, you have deft, nimble fingers; that's a necessity for medical practice. Also, I've seen you with Casey when you're working on the Shell Cycle; when you want to have it, you've got good concentration, good focus, and patience." He folded his arms across his plastron, staring at his brother firmly. "I think you could be good at it, if you were willing to try, and I know it would be good for you."

Raph stared back, mulling Don's offer over, then gave a slow smirk. "Alright, why the hell not. So what all am I gonna learn?"

Don gave a brief flash of a smile. "The basic stuff, primarily. Nothing with major surgery, because now is not the time for you to learn that. Mostly just the regular injuries we have to deal with."

"Like what?" Raph asked, interested despite himself. _Hell, if I could actually pick up some'a this stuff, there'd prob'ly be a lot less lecturin' from Fearless; after all, if he can't see any proof of a fight, he's got nothin' to get his bandana in a twist over. And…and Don's right; even if I can't do a lot after a fight, anything's better than nothin'._

"Quiz me."

Raph grinned. "You asked for it. Alright, let's see…black eyes?"

Don held up an empty ice pack and a bottle of Advil. "Cold compress and some ibuprofen; both help to reduce swelling, and the Advil will take the edge off of the pain."

The hothead nodded, filing the information away. "Sounds good." He looked at his arm. "Oh, right. How 'bout this?"

"First you'll want to clean it out, warm water and soap—"

"That's gonna sting like a son of a bitch," Raph grumbled.

"Then you shouldn't have gotten cut in the first place," Don replied without missing a beat. "Anyways, after that, put on some of this antiseptic cream, and wait for that to soak in. Then put some of this topical anesthetic on some bandages and wrap your arm." He rattled off the instructions as he performed the tasks, letting Raph see what he was doing. "I'm doing this for you because arms are always awkward to wrap by yourself. But for future reference, for something like this you'll need enough pressure to stop the rest of the bleeding, but not so tight that it's overly uncomfortable or cuts off blood flow." Don stepped back to inspect his work. "How does that feel?"

Raph flexed his arm carefully, gratified to feel the stinging ebbing away. "Almost like new. Thanks, bro." He got to his feet to leave.

"Oh no, you don't." Don shot an arm out and pushed Raph back down in his chair. "We're nowhere _near_ done."

The hothead groaned. "Don, it's one in the mornin'. You can't seriously expect me to learn all this crap this late."

"Of course I don't. But you said you wanted to learn this, and there's no time like the present. We can cover a few things each night. Now, what's next? We both know you get more injuries than just black eyes and the occasional cut."

Raph sighed and looked at his hands, hoping for inspiration. The sight of his knuckles gave him something to go on. He raised his hand, the back of it facing Don. "Split knuckles."

"Also not much of a challenge." Don pulled out a roll of narrower bandages. "Same basic process as before. Wash them with soap and water, use the antiseptic cream, use the anesthetic if the stinging is really bothering you, and wrap them in these bandages. Now, since your hands are obviously something you get a lot of use out of, the bandages are going to have to be wrapped around the knuckles loose enough to allow free movement, but also tight enough to stay on. You can take them off at night, so some air can get to the wounds. Otherwise, give them a few days of not punching anything or any_one_, keep them clean, and they should heal up soon enough."

Raph raised an eye ridge, impressed. They all knew that Don knew his stuff when it came to medical care, but he was still managing to rattle things off with no problem at one o'clock in the morning. The red-banded turtle decided to see if he could trip his brother up.

"How 'bout sprained ankles?"

"Well, first—" Don broke off suddenly, frowning. "Now why the shell would you be spraining an ankle? With all the exercises we do, those muscles ought to be strong enough that that ought to be nearly impossible for you to do."

"Hey, you said to cover the basics."

Don rolled his eyes. "Alright, fine. For sprained ankles—or wrists, for that matter—just use some standard athletic bandages to wrap the ankle or wrist tightly. It should be all around the joint, a couple of layers, and tight enough that you feel like the bandage is giving you more support. If that doesn't feel like it's helping enough, come see me and I'll take a look at it and you can try an Ace bandage instead."

"Bruises," Raph shot at his brother quickly.

"Bruises?" Don turned, confused as to why his brother would want information on something as insignificant as a bruise. It took him less than two seconds to recognize the gleam in Raph's eye and what he was trying to do. _You really want to try and beat me at this game? Raphael, you don't stand a chance,_ he thought at his brother. _Do your worst._

"Well?" Raph prodded. "Ya do know what to do, right, Donnie?"

"Of course I do. For bruises, you suck it up." He met Raph's eyes, his gaze saying that he accepted his older brother's challenge. "Of course, if it's really bad, I can hold your hand and read you a bedtime story," he continued with a smile, his voice patronizing.

Raph pulled back slightly in surprise, then grinned. He chastised himself for not expecting Don to guess what he was up to; there were few people alive who could pull a fast one on Don. He started racking his brain, determined to stump his brother, and hoping to prolong their odd game; the two of them didn't always talk that much, and Raph found that he was having fun, strange as the fun was. He snorted at Don's response. "Nice bedside manner there, Doc."

"Thanks," Don replied casually. "Is that all the questions you have?"

The hothead easily heard the real question, the challenge in Don's voice: _is that all you've got?_ He grinned; _not by a long shot, bro_.

"How 'bout blood blisters?" Raph asked, bringing up something he'd heard Casey muttering about a while back.

Don smirked confidently. "Take a sterilized needle, one either heated up over a flame or cleansed with rubbing alcohol, and pop the blister. Then wash the area thoroughly and cover it with antiseptic and a band-aid."

The two turtles glared at each other defiantly, each one acknowledging and sizing up their enemy in this battle.

Raph began firing questions at his brother as quickly as he could think of them, his inquiries ranging from serious wounds, like stabs, to ludicrously little ones, like a splinter. Don kept up easily, parrying each question with an answer. Both ignored the small thought that this entire conversation—if one could call it that—was becoming completely absurd; once started, neither was willing to give an inch, and losing this war was out of the question. Raph refused to back down from a challenge, especially one that _he_ had started, and Don refused to be beaten in his own territory.

The interrogation kept up for nearly half an hour, and both of them were getting tired. They were also grudgingly coming to think that the other could not be defeated.

Don was secretly amazed at all the injuries and maladies that his brother was managing to come up with, and more than a little appalled at the realization that Raph had more than likely actually experienced most of them. _I have __**got**__ to talk to him about that._ He was also hoping that Raph would run out of ideas soon; he was getting tired and more than a little hoarse since some of the questions Raph had posed required pretty long answers.

Raph was feeling a similar astonishment; no matter what he came up with, Don had an answer for it. The thought of the amount of researching and studying that Don must have had to do to know as much as he did was almost enough to give Raph a headache in and of itself. He thought he'd probably go insane if he had to spend that much time on something like this; he also thought that Don really needed to get out more. _I have __**got**__ to talk to him about that._ Raph continued to wrack his brain for questions, and he hoped that Don would run out of answers soon; he was dead tired, but his pride wouldn't let him ask for a truce. He yawned and heard his jaw creak, which gave him an idea. "Broken bones," he challenged, determined to find something to baffle his brother with so he could escape and get some sleep.

The brainy turtle grinned to himself; a broken bone was pretty serious, which meant that Raph had probably been saving it in hopes of stumping him. _No such luck, Raphael._ "First, set the bone. If the bone has broken the skin—"

"If it _what_?" Raph asked, grimacing. Don's words hadn't painted a very pretty picture at all.

Don shrugged. "It happens. It's pretty serious, and a normal break is more common, but it happens. If I may continue?" Raph waved him on with a grunt, and Don picked up where he'd left off. "Anyways, set the bone either way, and then splint it. Wrap it for support, too. Of course, that's just until you can get a cast made for it. If it's a broken leg or foot, stay off of it and try to keep it elevated as much as possible. If it's a broken arm or hand, keep it in a sling and use it as little as possible. If it's a broken toe or finger, then tape it to one of the finger or toes that's next to it so it heals straight. Oh, yeah, and try to push the milk, too; the extra calcium will help your body to heal the break better. It might even help speed things up, though maybe not." He yawned widely. "Although, if you really _do_ break any bones, I'd honestly rather you come to me than try to fix it yourself; dealing with broken bones requires a good deal of experience and in our lifestyle, you really don't want to chance a bone healing weakly or the wrong way." Don turned back to his supplies, gathering them up since he was certain that Raph was out of questions, or at least close to it. "Anything else?"

Raph wracked his brain, then felt triumph flare up as he struck on something he was sure would grant him victory. He knew it was ridiculous, but so was what they were doing, and he was an hour past ready to hit the sack. _Besides, how could Don honestly know what to do in a case like this?_ Raph tried to suppress a grin, but failed miserably. "What if I lose both of my arms?"

"If you _what_?" Don glanced up at the outrageous question, slightly flustered. However, he recovered quickly when he saw his brother's tired grin. _So that's your trump card, huh, Raph? _His mind raced, then suddenly clicked as he found the perfect response. Don tapped a finger to his chin, making a show of thinking deeply and trying to contain the smug expression that wanted to dance across his face. "Hmm, loss of limb. And not just one, but _both_ arms? My, that _is _a serious problem."

_Victory is mine!_ Raph crowed to himself, certain that he'd finally stumped his brother.

The brainy turtle couldn't restrain his grin when he saw Raph brighten. It widened when Raph met Don's eyes. He could see that Raph had just noticed his expression—a grin of triumph, not a look of confusion—and had realized that his last-ditch effort had failed. _It was a good try, brother dear, but not good enough_, Don thought.

Raph froze. He could easily recognize the look on Don's face; it was the one he always got when finally solving a difficult problem. Somehow, he'd been beaten. The hothead swore good-naturedly, tired enough to concede the battle…at least if Don's answer was good enough. "Alright, brainiac, let's have it; what'm I s'posed to do if my arms fall off?"

Don's grin turned evil.

"Knock."

**A/N: Please tell me I'm not the only one that laughed at the end of that. Please?**

**If you love me or the fic, or heck, even if you don't, please review!**


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